Archaeology is often said to be the handmaiden of history.
          (The Practical Archaeologist.  J. McIntosh.  Page 8.)

Doctor : I'm sorry. You'll never work again.

Patient : That's okay, I'm an archaeologist!

Two archaeologists were walking across a field when they came across some tracks.

'Those are the tracks of an old hunter-gatherer stalking a deer', said the prehistory specialist.

'Look like chariot wheels to me', said the Roman expert.

They were then run over by a train.

What sort of art do archaeologists like best?


Reaching the end of a job interview, the interviewer asked the young archaeologist, fresh out of university, 'and what starting salary were you looking for?'

Archaeologist : 'In the region of fifty thousand pounds, depending on the benefits package.'

Interviewer : 'Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks paid vacation, full medical and dental cover, retirement fund to fifty percent of salary and a company car leased every two years...say, a red porsche?'

The young archaeologist sat up straight and said, 'Wow, are you kidding?'

Interviewer : 'Certainly, but you started it.'

There are two rules to success in life:

1)Don't tell people everything you know.

Question : How do you keep an archaeologist in suspense?

Answer :

Doctor to distressed patient : 'Well, it sounds to me like your life is in ruins.'

Patient, who has visibly cheered up : 'Really? Well, that's alright - I'm an archaeologist!'

Okay, and for our next's a limerick we came up with; the important question is...'can you do any better?!'

A depressed archaeologist in Siberia,
Suffered from mild hysteria
When he found on a dig
A prehistoric pig,
And now he couldn't be cheerier.

Think you could do better? E-mail us with your limericks and jokes (or cutting comments!)

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© assemblage 1997